Establishing rapport
In this article I want to consider the effect the relationship has on the learning potential of the customer – that is, the rapport between the instructor and the pupil. I also want to look at the difference between a traditional ‘instructor-led’ relationship and a coaching ‘client-centred’ relationship.
When I first trained to be a driving instructor I was taught that I could allow myself one personality clash in my professional career. I understood this to mean that it was entirely down to me to get on with my customers. If they expressed views I didn’t agree with, it was not good for my business for me to show my disagreement or disapproval. I was to be non-judgemental. As driving instructors we would all recognise that this is fundamental to our business success – to get on with our customers. This can be done in two ways: from an instructor-led point of view or from a client-centred perspective.
What does it mean to get on with our customers from an instructor-led point of view? Many instructors have great personalities and in the car they come across as larger than life characters. They would tell you that all their lessons are a great laugh and their pupils love them. They tell jokes, tease and banter and expect their customers to behave in a certain way so that they will be able to take and pass their test. Their pupils learn to drive and probably get to grips with the controls of the car and driving in different road, weather and traffic conditions in reasonable amounts of time. But they go away with little or no understanding of the higher level goals in driver education – how their personality, views, values and opinions affect the choices and decisions they make when driving independently with their friends in the car; how susceptible they are (or are not) to the effects of fatigue, or to peer pressure; how risky they are (or are not) and what their potential likelihood is (or is not) of driving under the influence of alcohol or drugs.
The driving instructor may cover the effects of alcohol and drugs or the risks of distractions inside and outside of the car, but if the driving lessons have all been about the instructor putting on a show to get the pupil to have a good time, then the teaching has all been one-sided. Some people will take on board the information and will process it effectively – these people probably share the same learning styles as the instructor.
Rapport is key to creating a learning environment where the customer can feel safe enough to express how they really think and feel about things – things that are not always related to driving. This is important for them to develop an understanding of the inextricable link between behaviour, thoughts and feelings. How they think and feel affects the choices and decisions they make - always. They might not be clear what they think about things or how they feel about things because often their attitudes to driving, drink, drugs, sex, religion, road safety, seat belts, speeding etc. are the result of a life time of influences from friends, family, the media, people they look up to. For example, being told ‘you are stupid’, or ‘you will never make anything of yourself’, or ‘you are selfish’ will affect the way we see ourselves and the world in a very different way from if we had been told ‘you are going places’, ‘the world is your oyster’, ‘you are really bright’. As driving instructors, we have to build a different relationship with each of our customers because each one has a different set of experiences, which will affect the quality of their learning. Some will really respond well to banter, joke telling and levity. Others will much prefer a studious silence without constant interjections. And most, will be somewhere in the middle. However, the point is that until you are with your customer on their driving lesson you cannot decide how to communicate best with them in order that they learn most effectively about how their thoughts and feelings govern their behaviour. It is important in a client-centred relationship that the customer is treated as an equal and knows that their views and opinions are a crucial part of the learning process. The instructor’s job is to ensure they are non-judgemental so that the customer can work on developing their self-evaluation skills so that when they are out driving on their own they know how to recognise a near-miss, reflect on it, and put strategies in place to avoid it happening again.
How is client-centred rapport established? Mainly through non-verbal communication techniques, the driving instructor takes their cue from the customer. It is necessary that effective learning takes place and for this to happen the instructor needs to use non-verbal communication techniques to relate on an equal basis and establish trust.
Eye Contact: This doesn’t mean staring into someone’s eyes but it is about looking at the person when they are talking rather than looking down at some notes or straight ahead out of the windscreen. It helps establish equality and makes the person feel valued.
Body Language: Ensure that your body language is open. When parked at the side of the road turn and face the customer.
Nodding, Smiling: Nodding and smiling is part of active listening. These non-verbal communication techniques encourage the customer to open up further because they know they are being listened to.
Matching: Listening to the words that someone uses and adopting those types of words really helps build rapport. If you have an aural learner they may say things like: ‘I hear what you’re saying’, ‘That sounds like a plan’, ‘That rings a bell’. A visual learner might say: ‘I see what you mean’, ‘That looks okay’, ‘I see what you are saying’. A kinaesthetic learner might say: ‘That feels good to me’, ‘I get your drift’, ‘I’ll give it a go’. By matching the words they use you are breaking down a potential processing barrier. If you don’t adapt the language you use to suit the language of your learner, they have to work through and around your learning style before they can even get to theirs - many people give up on the way.
Matching tone of voice and speed of speech can also be very effective in establishing both rapport and an excellent learning situation.
Rapport is an essential coaching skill in a client-centred relationship because it puts the responsibility for learning on the learner (customer). This will accelerate their learning because rapport will ensure that barriers to learning are broken down. The instructor, through their non-verbal communication techniques, will establish a relationship that is non-judgemental and equal, so that the person learning will become more self-aware – aware of how their individual and personal thoughts and feelings affect their behaviour.
In my next article I will look at another essential coaching skill – Listening.
In this article I want to consider the effect the relationship has on the learning potential of the customer – that is, the rapport between the instructor and the pupil. I also want to look at the difference between a traditional ‘instructor-led’ relationship and a coaching ‘client-centred’ relationship.
When I first trained to be a driving instructor I was taught that I could allow myself one personality clash in my professional career. I understood this to mean that it was entirely down to me to get on with my customers. If they expressed views I didn’t agree with, it was not good for my business for me to show my disagreement or disapproval. I was to be non-judgemental. As driving instructors we would all recognise that this is fundamental to our business success – to get on with our customers. This can be done in two ways: from an instructor-led point of view or from a client-centred perspective.
What does it mean to get on with our customers from an instructor-led point of view? Many instructors have great personalities and in the car they come across as larger than life characters. They would tell you that all their lessons are a great laugh and their pupils love them. They tell jokes, tease and banter and expect their customers to behave in a certain way so that they will be able to take and pass their test. Their pupils learn to drive and probably get to grips with the controls of the car and driving in different road, weather and traffic conditions in reasonable amounts of time. But they go away with little or no understanding of the higher level goals in driver education – how their personality, views, values and opinions affect the choices and decisions they make when driving independently with their friends in the car; how susceptible they are (or are not) to the effects of fatigue, or to peer pressure; how risky they are (or are not) and what their potential likelihood is (or is not) of driving under the influence of alcohol or drugs.
The driving instructor may cover the effects of alcohol and drugs or the risks of distractions inside and outside of the car, but if the driving lessons have all been about the instructor putting on a show to get the pupil to have a good time, then the teaching has all been one-sided. Some people will take on board the information and will process it effectively – these people probably share the same learning styles as the instructor.
Rapport is key to creating a learning environment where the customer can feel safe enough to express how they really think and feel about things – things that are not always related to driving. This is important for them to develop an understanding of the inextricable link between behaviour, thoughts and feelings. How they think and feel affects the choices and decisions they make - always. They might not be clear what they think about things or how they feel about things because often their attitudes to driving, drink, drugs, sex, religion, road safety, seat belts, speeding etc. are the result of a life time of influences from friends, family, the media, people they look up to. For example, being told ‘you are stupid’, or ‘you will never make anything of yourself’, or ‘you are selfish’ will affect the way we see ourselves and the world in a very different way from if we had been told ‘you are going places’, ‘the world is your oyster’, ‘you are really bright’. As driving instructors, we have to build a different relationship with each of our customers because each one has a different set of experiences, which will affect the quality of their learning. Some will really respond well to banter, joke telling and levity. Others will much prefer a studious silence without constant interjections. And most, will be somewhere in the middle. However, the point is that until you are with your customer on their driving lesson you cannot decide how to communicate best with them in order that they learn most effectively about how their thoughts and feelings govern their behaviour. It is important in a client-centred relationship that the customer is treated as an equal and knows that their views and opinions are a crucial part of the learning process. The instructor’s job is to ensure they are non-judgemental so that the customer can work on developing their self-evaluation skills so that when they are out driving on their own they know how to recognise a near-miss, reflect on it, and put strategies in place to avoid it happening again.
How is client-centred rapport established? Mainly through non-verbal communication techniques, the driving instructor takes their cue from the customer. It is necessary that effective learning takes place and for this to happen the instructor needs to use non-verbal communication techniques to relate on an equal basis and establish trust.
Eye Contact: This doesn’t mean staring into someone’s eyes but it is about looking at the person when they are talking rather than looking down at some notes or straight ahead out of the windscreen. It helps establish equality and makes the person feel valued.
Body Language: Ensure that your body language is open. When parked at the side of the road turn and face the customer.
Nodding, Smiling: Nodding and smiling is part of active listening. These non-verbal communication techniques encourage the customer to open up further because they know they are being listened to.
Matching: Listening to the words that someone uses and adopting those types of words really helps build rapport. If you have an aural learner they may say things like: ‘I hear what you’re saying’, ‘That sounds like a plan’, ‘That rings a bell’. A visual learner might say: ‘I see what you mean’, ‘That looks okay’, ‘I see what you are saying’. A kinaesthetic learner might say: ‘That feels good to me’, ‘I get your drift’, ‘I’ll give it a go’. By matching the words they use you are breaking down a potential processing barrier. If you don’t adapt the language you use to suit the language of your learner, they have to work through and around your learning style before they can even get to theirs - many people give up on the way.
Matching tone of voice and speed of speech can also be very effective in establishing both rapport and an excellent learning situation.
Rapport is an essential coaching skill in a client-centred relationship because it puts the responsibility for learning on the learner (customer). This will accelerate their learning because rapport will ensure that barriers to learning are broken down. The instructor, through their non-verbal communication techniques, will establish a relationship that is non-judgemental and equal, so that the person learning will become more self-aware – aware of how their individual and personal thoughts and feelings affect their behaviour.
In my next article I will look at another essential coaching skill – Listening.
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